The Hard Work of Healing in Marriage
Are you willing to be REAL about the struggles in marriage? Ya’ know, you can think you have a really good marriage - and you could be right!
But getting too comfy with that attitude can sometimes make you a prime target for Satan, ‘cause he just loves to mess with God’s people.
I recently had an engaging and encouraging conversation with Lisa Valencia, half of the Unrelenting Pursuit podcast. She and her husband Brad rebounded from her husband’s affair and came through it with a strong and thriving marriage.
Nothing short of miraculous…
But it took a lot of hard work!
The Hard Work
Lisa shared some important points:
1 - You can only work on yourself… Even if “the problem” looks on the surface to be your spouse, there is always personal work to be done. And you can ONLY do your work.
2 - God will walk you through your own healing. He knows what we need to be a whole, healthy person. And He is faithful to stick with us through it all.
3 - Sin makes us “check out” - Don’t get hung up in thinking it’s all your spouse’s issue. Re-read #1 and #2.
4 - Continue to pray for your spouse - Prayer doesn’t always fix the problems we have in ways we think it should, but it always, always changes US!
5 - Surrender: the gut-wrenching daily thing you have to do to give control of (insert your issue here) to God. It’s painful, but “it’s a beautifully awful place to be”.
There are so many ways that a marriage can be challenged. Broken trust can come from infidelity...anger issues…addictions...etc. Whatever the reason, when you find yourself hurting, be raw and honest with God. Psalms is a great book to use for actual conversations David had with the Lord. Read them as if they were your own!
Know that God can work and speak to you through your children, too. Speak life over them, and be willing to listen, as well. Many times, God can speak through them to you.
Having supportive friends is great (and necessary), but look for others who are going to hold your hands up and pray for you and your marriage throughout the battle. It’s not enough that they are on your side - are they on the side of your marriage, too?
Do you need help? START with God’s Word. Sometimes we look at Scripture as a last resort for wisdom and help, but in actuality, that’s where it begins. For example, the last half of the book of Isaiah os all about restoration - talk about a constructive mindset! Ephesians talks about the armor of God - what a practical way to get “geared up” to face each and every day.
The Healing
Healing is definitely a process, but there is much to encourage us along the way. Remember:
God didn’t promise my life was gonna be roses, but He DID promise He would sustain me!
God always has something greater in mind; He is a restorer. But when God places hope within us, it’s usually against what the world is telling us… For example, while God tells us He can make ALL things new, the world may be telling us we deserve something better “out there.”
There’s nothing your spouse can do to make it ok for you - whatever “it” is. Only God meets all our needs. Only God is our healer and deliverer. Don’t put that on your spouse.
And ultimately - when we’ve never been more broken...when we’re truly feeling held by God: it’s a beautifully awful place to be…
There’s oh-so-much more gold in our conversation - listen to the whole thing below.
The mission of the “Unrelenting Pursuit” podcast, Facebook and Instagram pages is “to see ALL marriages in unrelenting pursuit of love, joy, and forgiveness through God!”
Brad & Lisa Valencia are the couple behind Unrelenting Pursuit, where they desire to see all marriages in an unrelenting pursuit of love, joy, and forgiveness. They share openly and honestly about their story of infidelity and the long road to redemption. Their honesty can offer a beacon of hope into whatever your marriage may be going through, and a roadmap for others to learn from.
Follow them for more help with (re)building trust in marriage...and other marriage issues!